To fully understand where and why you might be blocking abundance, we need to take a step back and look more closely at some of the ways you receive with the smaller things in life. Things that are not entirely connected with money, but are simply a way of you receiving from another person, or from something outside of yourself.
Just think about things such as how you are at receiving a compliment, accepting help, or having someone really be present and listen to you.
Does the thought of this make you feel uncomfortable? Perhaps your mind has already raced ahead at the fear of people thinking you’re not capable and you’re weak. Or maybe you worry that you’ll owe them something, that they don’t really want to be with you or help you, or that you don’t deserve what they’re offering. Our mind is such a powerful tool at times, but it can also be our greatest enemy.
People with a low self-esteem will often struggle with receiving these very small things and as the saying goes – how you do anything is how you do everything. (Derek Sivers).So if you’re blocking your ability to receive the small things as I’ve described above, it’s very likely you’ll be blocking the bigger things too.
Have a look at the following to see how you’re already blocking your ability to receive and because of this, how you’re blocking abundance:
- Compliments– these are hard to receive for you, because it contradicts how you feel about yourselves inside and so creates discomfort. The natural reaction is to then push back the compliment. Let’s look at this example – ‘You look amazing in that’and your instinct is to say ‘oh no, this old thing…. I just found it in the back of my wardrobe, its the only thing I could find to wear today’. A receiving response would be a simple ‘thank you’.
- Accepting help– this is a very tricky pattern to break, especially if you’re used to being strong and independent. It makes you feel as if you’re failing by not being able to do the task alone, and so often people will choose struggle over feeling like a failure or weak. There are clearly links to over achievement and perfectionism here and for some the sense that they don’t deserve help. A good example would be someone offering to help you complete a task (whether at home or work) and your first reaction, is ‘don’t worry I can do it’, OR ‘thanks but I can manage’.
- Allowing people to be fully present for you– this was my own personal struggle, because having people be fully present for me and really listen to what I was thinking and feeling was hugely uncomfortable. I was okay with this at work, but I was blocked when it came to my personal life. I would always try and switch the focus of the conversation back to them (Maybe that’s why I do the job I do). For me it was about not feeling as if people could really be interested in me and that I was a bit boring and odd because I looked at the world differently. Whatever the reason, I was blocking my ability to receive and this didn’t help with the flow of bigger things. Luckily I now have more self-awareness and insight and receiving now feels very natural.
- You only want to receive in a certain way– which means you’re trying to control what things should look like, when they should happen and how it should come to you. Nothing blocks our ability to receive more than being overly attached to the process and outcome. You have all these expectations over when it should come into your life, which can lead to disappointment and lack when it doesn’t happen. Plus you block your ability to see other opportunities that could be very advantageous. For example, your partner surprises you with a holiday, but you’re not happy. It’s to a place that wasn’t on your list, it’s not the week you wanted to go and you would have preferred to have chosen the holiday yourself. Ungrateful yes, but also what if this was to be the best holiday ever and yet because you were closed off to it, you missed out or didn’t enjoy it as much as you could have. The same is true of business opportunities. If it doesn’t look as we’ve expected or hoped, we don’t allow ourselves to receive.
As you read through the above, can you identify anything that you have tended to do in the past, or have even done recently? Reflect on the following:
- Do I allow myself to receive compliments?
- How do I feel about accepting help?
- How does it feel when people are really listening and interested in me?
- Do I like to be in control of things and how does it feel to surrender a little?
Are you no prepared to commit to anything in order to practice receiving?