Playing the Victim

Are you playing the victim and blaming others for the state of your life?

“Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle” Christian D Larson

Firstly it’s important to say, that I am referring here to ‘state of mind’, and so it’s not within the scope of this course to address the serious issue of true ‘victims’. We’re going to be looking at what it means to ‘choose’ to be a victim of life, when other options are open to you.

I love this quote from Steve Maraboli:

“Today is a new day. Don’t let your history interfere with your destiny! Let today be the day you stop being a victim of your circumstances and start taking action towards the life you want. You have the power and the time to shape your life. Break free from the poisonous victim mentality and embrace the truth of your greatness. You were not meant for a mundane or mediocre life!”

If playing the victim means that you’re not showing up and living your life fully, then why do so many people choose to play the victim? It’s a good question, and there are various reasons that people would shy away from feeling empowered with their life and taking action and responsibility. Here are some common reasons that people may choose to become and stay a victim:  

  • It’s become a habit. This is what they have always done and so it feels completely natural for them – this can be connected with how they see the world, i.e. negative thinking, childhood conditioning and a negative circle of people around them. To suddenly decide you are in fact powerful and have the ability to change your life, is too terrifying for some to even contemplate.
  • They are meeting some of their deeper psychological needsby being a victim, i.e. they get attention from others. This sounds crazy, but some people are so desperate for attention (which is ultimately a need to feel special and loved) that they will put themselves in the position of being a victim.
  • It can make them feel safe, because they don’t have to face the uncertainty of conflict, taking action, making decisions and then taking responsibility. It feels much easier to decide to be powerless!
  • They are waiting for something or someone to come and save them. It could be that they don’t believe they can do this for themselves, they could be scared to make changes, or perhaps they have become used to always being rescued or saved by others.

Once you begin to understand the deeper reasons for choosing to become a victim, then it becomes easier for you to break free from this habit and to have compassion for others who are still on this path. I am not saying that it won’t be hugely frustrating at times, but we’re all on our own journey.

No one likes to think of themselves as choosing to be a victim – so don’t be surprised if by working through these questions it brings up emotions such as shame, guilt and embarrassment. This is all totally normal and part of the process. The key is being able to identify who and what are your triggers: